How to Find a Couples Therapist

Finding a good couples therapist for you and your partner may feel overwhelming. You want to work through your relationship issues, but where should you begin?

When Should I Start Searching for a Couples Therapist?

Couples counseling can strengthen intimacy and help you process betrayal and trauma. Couples therapy can help divorced couples navigate co-parenting responsibilities. However, you don’t need to be on the brink of divorce to reap the benefits of a couples therapist.

Here are some signs that it may be time for you and your partner to consider couples therapy:

• Keep arguing over the same things and there doesn’t seem to be progress

• Differences in parenting styles

• Feeling unheard and unsupported in your relationship

• You and your spouse can’t agree on finances or big life decisions

• Feeling hopeless, resentful, or withdrawn from your spouse

• You are starting to think about (or fantasize about) a future that doesn’t involve your partner

How to Find the Right Couples Therapist?
First, there is the logisics of finding a therapist- and the task of finding good one can feel daunting!

• Searching an online directory for therapists can be a helpful first step. You can call your insurance company for recommended providers. Other directories include TherapyDen.com and TherapyforBlackGirls.com.

• Ask other counselors! Call local counselors who may know a good couples therapist.

• Ask your primary care doctor for their referral list

• The AAMFT directory has a fantastic list of marriage and family therapists across the country.
  

You also want to be mindful of the therapist’s credentials, training and specialization, and their general approach to couples therapy. These components will get you closer to a good fit

Credentials are the letters after a therapist’s name. Here in South Carolina its common to find the following:

• LPC- stands for Licensed Professional Counselor

• LMFT or LMFTA’s are licensed marriage and family therapists / licensed marriage and family therapy associates

• LCSW are licensed clinical social workers

• Psychologists generally have their PhD is psychology

For example, I am a LMFT-A which means I am a licensed marriage and family therapy associate. So I am working towards my full independent LMFT license. This means I acquired hundreds of hours of couples and family therapy experience and my graduate experience was centered on working with couples and families. I also passed the National MFT exam prior to getting my LMFTA license.

Training and Specialization: Some of the most evidence based approached to couples therapy include Emotionally Focused Therapy and The Gottman Method. These approaches help couples strengthen their relationship by build better communication skills, manage conflict, and create secure and healthy relationships that last!

Keep in mind, that these are not the only two approaches to couples therapy. Some couples need a sex therapist or a therapist that specializes in a faith-based approach or premarital counseling. There’s many options out there however, asking the right questions to a potential therapist can get you to a good fit.

What to Ask a Couple Therapist?
Not only is it important to ask the right questions. But ensuring you feel comfortable and get a good vibe from the therapist is so important! If you and your partner feel good about the therapist- the more effective it will be.

It’s normal to feel nervous during the first few sessions and not know where to begin. However, setting up a phone consultation will allow you to ask some questions before committing to an initial session.

Here are some questions you can ask a potential couples counselor:

• What training and experience do you have in working with couples?

• What type of issues do you help couples with?

• What will the first session be like?

• On average, how many sessions will we have together? How long are those sessions?

• How do you determine sucess in your couples?

• Have you worked with couples with our same problems? that look like use? ( this can be in terms of issue, race, sexual orientation, gender-identity, etc.)

Final Thoughts

Seeking a couples therapist may be an easy decision for some, but it can feel daunting for others, especially if your partner is reluctant to begin.

Therefore, knowing what issues you want to tackle and ensuring the couples therapist has experience ( and the expertise) in your needs are the first steps to finding the right fit!